Morethanpeoplethink

You promised me the world, But all you gave me was pain. I said I was happy, When I wasn't… I don't know why I felt I always had to lie. I know you tried, But I guess it wasn't good enough. You hurt me and tore me down. I don't even think you realized, but you did. You leave me bruised and broken, Scarred and scorned. I leave you sad and hurt… But it's the way it has to be, So finally I can be happy.

Sometimes I feel like the pain's too much. Like I want to take it all the away or take myself away, so I don't feel so depressed and so angry. I'm not usually one to complain, but it's getting harder and harder to keep myself happy and keep my mind away from the darkness. But sometimes I want to go there, because I want to stop being what people see me as. I hold back my feelings so for other people which is just hurting me more, but soon it may all slip.

Sex, does it mean anything anymore, does it mean anything to anyone? Is it just something to do to pass the time, something to do to feel good for minute. Does love exist in this crazy world? I never thought it did and i was ready to not find love, and have sex just to get it over with. But I found someone, someone who loves me for the crazy messed up person that i am. I found out that sex doesn't have to be just sex, it can be full of love and passion.

Life sucks, and I always had this one person to talk to he always made me feel better, but he let me down. Instead of making me smile and happy he made me depressed. I don't know why I try, I'm about to give. It's getting harder and harder to get though the day. I think about slitting my wrists and let the blood drain, and taking myself away from the equation. But I won't, because of other people who say they care about me, and cant even do that for myself so worried about others, i want to stop caring, but i cant.

cothes on the floor, his body on mine. hands touching all the right places. him kissing me, starts at my lips moves down to my neck. i grab the sheets tight. the bed is shakeing feels like an earth quake. i feel like im floating, it feels like its lasting forever, and i like it. i want to stay in bed all day, just him and me, haveing sex till we're exausted and dont want to move.

You could hear my heart break from miles away when you said we're done. those words cut me so deep i may never heal. i know we had our problems but there were more good then bad. how could your feeling change so quick, we go from sleeping together and being so close to you pushing me away. what did i do? my heart can't take any more pain, all i want to do is go under the sheets and never come out. you were the one thing holding me together, you kept my spirits up on the darkest of days, now you kick me to the curb and say were done and i never see you again.

Only about 48 hours the break up happened, yet it seems as if everyone knows. They look at me like some how they know we had slept together. How could they know, would he tell? I walk by people in my dorm they all stare right up until im in my room. Why do they look at me like im the slut, im sure im the only person who who slept with a guy, im sure most of these people slept with tons of guys. What is the fasination with me, im not the only peron who had sex in the world. I'm the victom, it's not fair that sence im a girl i get caled a slut.

I found out why all eyes were on me. Posters of me in nothing but a thong bikini, on the walls of the bathrooms with my number on them, asking to 'play'. as if him breaking up with me wasn't bad enough, but he must humiliate me. how could someone who seems so sweet, be so evil. I loved him, i thought he loved me, was it all a lie? was i nieve? was i blind by the blue of his eyes or the tone of his voice? how could things change so much in so little time. what did i do to diserve this? is this what i get for sleeping with him? I try taking down the posters, but withing a few hours they're up again.

calls in the middle of the night from horny guys who got my number from the picture. I get no sleep, i don't eat, my life is slipping through the cracks. I don't get respect anymore. People who use to be my friends look down at me, like im dirt. It wasnt me who put the pictures up, it's not even my body, the wonder of photo shop. Everywhere i go guys look at me like im a piece of meat like if they wanted me they could have me. It makes me sick. I call my ex, no answer ever, i want him to stop, how can i make it stop?

It finally stopped, people bugging me about the posters, thing are back to normal. He still hates me,  but i have fallen in love with someone else so i dont care. He is my best friend since i was 9 yrs old. i cant believe i've never seen it before. He's the one. the guy i've been searching for. He  has liked me the whole time i have known him. how could i not have noticed? he has been right under my nose this whole time. he will never hurt, i know he won't, he's too sweet, too kind, too honest to ever hurt anyone exspecially me.